Re: [問卦] 爸爸突然過世了要如何調適心情（認真）

你好，這是我幾年前在Reddit上看到
關於如何面對死亡、幫助我很大的一個留言
我一直保存到今天
文章非常的長，希望你有機會看到
我把他丟估狗翻譯後修飾給你
絕非專業英翻，對不起，拜託不要鞭我
後面會附上原文

這個留言是12年前，一位叫GSnow的網友寫的，一直被流傳下來，他把過世後的傷痛比喻成海浪，文章如下：

「好吧，就到這裡了。我老了。這意味著我存活了下來了（到目前為止），而我認識和愛過的很多人卻沒有。我失去了朋友、摯友、熟人、同事、祖父母、媽媽、親戚、老師、學生、鄰居和許多人。我沒有孩子，我無法想像失去孩子的痛苦。以下是我的淺見。

我希望我能說你總有一天會習慣面對摯親死亡。但我從沒習慣過，也不想。每當我所愛的人去世時，無論情況如何，我仍會感到心痛不已。我不希望死亡“無關緊要”，我不希望
死亡成為過去的事情。我的傷疤證明了我對那個人的愛和關係。如果傷痕很深，那麼愛也很深。傷痕是生命的見證，傷疤證明我可以深深地愛，深深地生活，深到我會被割傷，甚至被鑿傷，我可以治愈，繼續生活，繼續愛。而且疤痕比原來的皮肉更堅固。傷痕是生命的見證。傷疤只有對看不見的人看來才顯得醜陋。

至於面對死亡後的悲傷，你會發現它像海浪一樣一波又一波地襲來。想像你在船上，當船失事時，你可能會被淹死，周圍都是殘骸，漂浮在您周圍的一切都會讓您想起這艘船曾經和現在的美麗和壯麗，除此之外是一片空無。而你所能做的就是漂浮。你找到了一些漂浮的殘骸讓你能堅持一段時間。這些殘骸也許是一些關於身理上的事情、也許這是一段快樂的回憶或一張照片、或許是另一個也正在漂浮的人。有很長一段時間，你能做的就是漂浮，然後活著。

一開始，海浪有 100 英尺高，毫不留情地沖向你。它們相隔 10 秒，甚至不給你喘口氣的時間。你所能做的就是堅持並漂浮。一段時間後，也許幾週，也許幾個月，您會發現海浪仍然有 100 英尺高，但浪與浪之間的距離越來越遠。當海浪再次襲來，仍然會撞到你身上並將你消滅殆盡。但在下一波海浪來之前，你可以呼吸、喘一口氣，你可以正常生活。你永遠不知道什麼會引發悲傷，它可能是一首歌、一幅畫、一個街道路口、一杯咖啡的味道。它可以是任何東西……波浪襲來，但在浪與浪之間，卻有生命。

到了某個時候，每個人的情況都不同，你會發現海浪只剩下80 英尺高，或者50英尺高。雖然他們仍然來了，卻漸行漸遠。可能發生在聖誕節，或降落在你的城市。大多數情況下，你可以預見它的到來，並做好準備。當它再次衝向你時，你知道你會以某種方式再次度過這一波海浪，從浪的另外一頭、渾身濕透、水花四濺，而你仍然抓著一小塊殘骸，你會度過的。

這些想法是從一位老人那邊學來的。海浪永遠不會停止到來，但不知何故，你也並不真正希望它們停止。你知道你會倖存下來，將來也會有更多其他浪潮到來。你也會在他們中倖存下來。因為你很幸運，你因為有很多愛而留下很多傷痕。還有很多載浮載沉的沉船，讓你牢牢抓著不至於溺斃。」

原文如下：
「Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far)and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love.So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than theoriginal flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is nomore. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, allyou can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

-GSnow」

希望對你有幫助！
加油！快沉下去時上來八卦版與我耍廢

--